Mouchette

I have heard it said about the films of Robert Bresson that you'll either love them or hate them. I'd didn't hate this, but I really didn't like it much either. The lack of professional actors was a big problem for me. I really wish directors didn't attempt this so often - looking at you, Werner Herzog - as it so rarely works out. The script was just confusing to me - it wasn't clear why anyone was acting so horribly, and by the end I was starting to get angry about it. I did love the picturesque direction, and some of the shots were really gorgeous. On the whole, though, this really didn't work for me, but I will give Bresson another chance or two. 2.5/5

Mouchette on Netflix

The Painting

This has got to be the most original film I've ever seen. Visually, it's really unlike anything else. I don't want to say too much, but the realization of the vision of this film is extraordinary. By the end I was truly stunned at how the visuals so perfectly tied the whole story together. The base of the story was also really cool and different from anything I've ever seen. The morals of the film, those I've seen before, but never done like this. I could watch this again right now, easily. One of the best films I've seen in recent memory. 5/5

The Painting on Netflix

Evolution

I have a pretty significant case of trypophobia (a proposed phobia of irregular patterns or clusters of small holes or bumps), so there were large swaths of this movie that were extremely physically difficult for me to watch. Difficult enough that, even though I was engrossed in what were happening, I became so queasy and ill that I nearly turned it off. So, be forewarned, if you have difficulty looking at things with holes or clusters of strange things (just look up the word trypophobia on Google and you'll know right away if this bothers you), I might not rent this. It is a fascinating story though, one I'm not sure I totally understood. So much of it is left to our imagination, as we see everything through the sight of one young boy. It's hard to get a full understanding of what's happening, and the end became a bit too confusing for me. Still, it was terribly intriguing, and, even though I can't watch it again, I would recommend it to anyone who likes a good mystery. 3/5

Evolution on Netflix

Maelstrom

I don't know about this oddball film. The story felt very piecemeal to me - half the time I wasn't really sure what was happening or why. The talking fish narration didn't help matters any (and I can't believe I just wrote the phrase "talking fish narration"). The acting was quite good though, and I do get the point of it all, or at least I think I do. It just never all came together like it should have, at least in my opinion. Just meh for me. 2.5/5

Maelstrom on Netflix

Last Tango in Paris

I realize this film is a classic, but I honestly couldn't stand it. I'm surprised I finished it I disliked it so much. The script made no sense at all to me. I don't know who these characters were or why they did what they did. The direction was just bad, and the music was worse. I've never been a Brando fan, and I found him nearly intolerable in this. The only saving grace for me was Maria Schneider, who I found beautiful and very compelling. She was much too good for this atrocious movie. 1.5/5

Last Tango in Paris on Netflix

The Strange Color of Your Body's Tears

I tend to either really like or really loathe experimental French cinema, and sadly I loathed this. The half star is for the beauty of the direction, which was audacious and oddly pleasing. The soundscape was also interesting, that I will also praise. But there was no story here, no characters, no coherency. I made it about half way and had to turn it off it got so on my last nerve. Not for me, thank you. 1.5/5

The Strange Color of Your Body's Tears on Netflix

Saint Laurent

This movie is way too long - I could have done without the last forty minutes and with serious trimming before that. The timelines are a mess in the last half of the film and I honestly have no idea what the hell happened for most of that time. The two saving graces are the performances by Gaspard Ulliel and Louis Garrel, which is why the movie gets two stars. Really a muddled mess. 2/5

Saint Laurent on Netflix

Romance

I think the only reason people talk about this movie is because it has scenes of actual sex in it. In reality, it's a piss poor film with very little in the way of plot, acting, or character development. If that wasn't bad enough, this movie manages to be one of the most un-erotic films I've ever seen. The sex is so bad and mechanical and passionless it's repelling, not exciting. To top it off, the film unexpectedly shows a live birth at the end, which I was in no way prepared to see. This film was built up to me as a truly great erotic drama, but it was a huge letdown in every way. 1.5/5

Romance on Netflix

Ma Mere

This French erotica was billed as a festival of the taboo - I imagined something of a cross between "Spanking the Monkey" and "The Piano Teacher". Sadly, it was entirely tame until the last ten minutes. Huppert, who I've liked in the past, failed to bring the  subtle sizzle to this role, but Louis Garrel delivered a tortured and striking performance as her son. There was potential here, but it was never realized to my eye. 2/5

Ma Mere on Netflix

High Tension

Whoever thinks that American horror has a corner on the gore and brutality market hasn't been watching what the French have been doing. I've seen some French horror films that have pushed all the boundaries of gore and taste directly out the window, and this fright fest is no exception. The direction and effects of the film are quite good, and the two lead actresses really sell the feelings of being trapped with a madman marvelously. However, it's the end twist that I have to take issue with. As interesting as it is, I don't believe it holds up to scrutiny. If you think about it for more than a few seconds, the entire film starts to unravel badly. I'm sorry, but that really ruined what was a strong showing in French horror for me. I'm keeping it at three stars, but just barely. 3/5

High Tension on Netflix

In the Name of My Daughter

This is certainly an interesting story, and I'm going to look up the real case to see what truth there is in this movie. I was struck by the acting, but, even at two hours, I didn't feel I learned enough to really make a judgment about the fate of Agnes Le Roux. It all felt very surface to me. Good, not great. 3/5

In the Name of My Daughter on Netflix

The Lady in the Car with Glasses and a Gun

This French psych thriller is ingenious with its plot. Stylishly directed, the cinematography is beautiful, as is the acting by the lead actress. Very nicely done. 4/5

The Lady in the Car with Glasses and a Gun on Netflix

The Apartment

Cassel, Bellucci & Bohringer are excellent but the plot a bit thin & convoluted in this French drama. 3/5

The Apartment on Netflix

Seven Days

This French language thriller is well shot and uses very little dialogue, but it needs none. Brutally affecting. 3.5/5

Seven Days on Netflix

Two Days, One Night

This French drama is so intriguing & subtle, it really makes you think about morality & reality. Bravo! 4/5

Two Days, One Night on Netflix

Bird People

The first half of this was intriguing & well done. The second was incomprehensible & vapid. Way to kill a film! 2/5

Bird People on Netflix

Lila Says

This drama didn't take enough risks for me, I wanted to see much more develop plot-wise and with the characters. 3/5

Lila Says on Netflix

Eyes Without a Face

This classic French thriller is certainly creepy & eerie but not quite as potent as I had expected. 3/5

Eyes Without a Face on Netflix

Martyrs

First off, if any film should come with trigger warnings this one should, so be advised if brutality, imprisonment & torture disturb you. I will not spoil anything, but I will comment on what I just saw. "Martyrs" is touted as a new advent in horror, and in a way it is. There is an ambition to the plot that could have made the film truly surreal, almost magical. As it is, this film for me was a noble failure. The film is really two shorts only loosely connected together. The first half I found brilliant, compelling, and astonishingly well acted, which really sold it for me. But the second half, which gave birth to the revelatory concept behind all we had seen and will see, fell flat. I did not believe the premise, not did I believe how they achieved it. As for the brutality of it, I've honestly seen worse. It's hard to watch at times, but all in all everything that is done serves the story, so it is not gratuitous. I think "Irreversible" and "Visitor Q" disturbed me worse, and "Irreversible" is a brilliant, glorious, cerebral movie to boot. I wish I could say the same about "Martyrs", but, for me, it was just average. 3/5

Martyrs on Netflix

Tell No One

This engrossing French thriller should go down in history as one of the finest to emerge from that county. Amazing. 5/5

Tell No One on Netflix